Fourteen hours of battle and five minutes lunchbreak after which I did the other interview for the ITV3
journalists today (for the 'other' Making of Sharpe mega-trailer) saw me return to the accommodation
somewhat dry. I mixed a cold beer with half a bottle of cold lemonade and drank it straight off : the
resulting belch was of such a volume that it temporarily stopped traffic in Khajaraho.
Just love your Sharpe updates, Campers.
Although your man in India should be careful about belching in public - he could be mistaken
for the dreaded tribe of Afgan Burpas
that frequently attack the Khyber Pass.
Let me set the scene - The British outpost on the Khyber Pass has been attacked: Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: Oh! How awful! What can have happened ?
Captain Keene: I don't like making guesses, but I wouldn't be surprised if there hadn't been a spot of foul play here.
Missionary: Foul play? Look at them! Lying around like a lot of unwanted cocktail snacks!
Private Jimmy Widdle: Ginger!
Missionary: Who is?
Private Jimmy Widdle: He is. Ginger, my mate.
Sergeant-Major MacNutt: Private Hale ?
Private Jimmy Widdle: Yes, Ginger Hale. Hello, Ginge. It's me, Jimmy. Your old mate, Jimmy Widdle.
Private Ginger Hale: Jimmy? Is it you? My old mate?
Private Jimmy Widdle: Ginge, mate! How do you feel?
Private Ginger Hale: Oh, not so good. I think I've been wounded.
Private Jimmy Widdle: Only here and there.
Private Ginger Hale: Jimmy, I can trust you. Now, give it to me straight. Am I going to be all right?
Private Jimmy Widdle: Of course not, Ginge mate.
Private Ginger Hale: I'm not going to be all right?
Private Jimmy Widdle: Well, how could you be, with half a dozen dirty great holes in you? You've had it.
Private Ginger Hale: You're a bleeding fine mate, I must say.
Private Jimmy Widdle: What do you mean? You asked me to give it to you straight.
Private Ginger Hale: Yeah, but I didn't mean you to... tell it too me straight....you horrible little man, you!
Sergeant-Major MacNutt: That's enough! Widdle, you're a great little comfort to a dying man, aren't you? Now listen, Hale, it's Sergeant-Major MacNutt. What happened, lad?
Private Ginger Hale: They attacked about a half-hour ago, Sir. Hundreds of them.
[He belches]
Private Ginger Hale: Burpas! They... they... oooh!
[Hale faints. Sergeant-Major MacNutt shakes his head sadly]
Private Jimmy Widdle: Oh, no! Ginge! Ginge, mate! I'm sorry, I... Poor old mate!
[Widdle gently covers Hale's body with a greatcoat. Hale throws it off]
Private Ginger Hale: That's right! Bleeding well suffocate me !
What a classic British film, that was - they don't make them like that anymore .......
